It's hard for me to share this without tears coming to my eyes. But, I need my readers to know that God is real, and he is here for you, too. So, with Kleenex at hand, here it goes.
About 2 springs ago, I was trying to get into a few different programs for my education path. Well, for different reasons, none of the three avenues panned out. I was disappointed. I have gone though all of my 20s wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life and the answer was just not clear to me.
At this point, I was already a wife and mother of 2 wonderful boys, so I knew that my choices were getting slimmer. I wanted to be home with them while I finished my education, and then possibly return to work when they started school. I also knew that I was going to want to try to have another baby eventually, with the hope that I would have a girl.
Well, since those programs didn't work out, I thought maybe it was time to just go ahead and try for that girl. I knew good and well that I might have a boy, so I went to the websites that teach you how to try and "sway" for a particular gender while trying to conceive. These methods included taking certain supplements or eating certain things, etc.
Well, I tried these things for several months to no avail. Then, I started to give up and became pregnant. This pregnancy unfortunately ended in a miscarriage. So, at some point through all of this I began really praying that God would help me to have a baby. I prayed that I really wanted a baby girl, but after what had just happened, I just wanted a healthy baby. At that point, I no longer cared about gender. Well, I conceived quickly after that, and it ended in an early miscarriage.
I was afraid that it might have occurred because my body needed more time in between to heal. So, I kept praying. God had really changed my heart during all of this. I was learning that I could not really control the gender of my baby or even if I was going to have another healthy baby at all. It's not in my hands.
I wasn't angry with God. I just kept praying that He would show me when the time was right and that He would help me to have a healthy baby.
I talked to my doctor about getting a progesterone test to make sure my levels were good to keep trying. I had a plan to use a contraceptive until we knew that I was healthy enough to try again. I scheduled the lab tests for during this period of time.
I continued to pray daily about this issue and everything in my life. And, I thanked God for what He has done for me. One day during my prayers, I asked God to please tell me a time when I would move forward in this journey. Now you can call me crazy, but I am telling you that the word August came to my mind. Then, I wondered what that meant specifically, or even if it was just my imagination. I never came to a conclusion.
The time was coming soon for me to have my progesterone levels tested. We were still using a contraceptive, and being careful to wait until my body was healed. About a week before my lab test, I started thinking that I was having pregnancy symptoms. But, I knew that that shouldn't have even been possible since we were faithfully using a contraceptive. I remember telling Kyle on the phone, and I am pretty sure he just thought I was crazy. Well, crazy or not, I called my nurse. She added a pregnancy test to my other lab test.
Long story short, the labs came back that my progesterone was good and I was indeed pregnant. Of course, now the fear sets in. I was now considered "high risk" for just having had 2 miscarriages. I was scheduled for my first prenatal visit in AUGUST.
When I went in for my early "high risk" ultrasound, there were 2 sacs with 2 heartbeats on the screen. One of the heartbeats was slow.
So, I was now "high risk" for another factor - I was carrying twins. It didn't look good for that sac with the slower heartbeat. Still, I was praying for the best. Sadly, that one did not make it. But, the other fetus was thriving.
It was a difficult beginning to a pregnancy. I was very fearful and still considered to be "high risk" for a long time. I kept on praying for a healthy baby, and the baby continued to thrive.
My mother-in-law, during this time, kept a secret from us. She was making a baby quilt. She had been praying, too. And, she felt that God had given her the sense that I was going to have a baby girl. So, she took a leap of faith and made a pink baby quilt.
When Kyle and I went in for the infamous gender ultrasound, we had psyched ourselves out for them to say: "it's a boy!" As soon as the ultrasound tech got a glimpse, she said "girl." What???!! We were stunned. She assured us several times over that we were having a baby girl.
Okay, here come the tears again. We gave the news to Kyle's mom, and she told us about her baby girl quilt.
It was all just too amazing to us. So, let's recap. Lots of prayer, lots of heartache, lots of humbling, some blind faith, a pregnancy conceived with a contraceptive, a difficult and timely journey, and boom - a healthy baby girl!
She was born in March, weighing 7 pounds, and 3 ounces. She was healthy, beautiful, and a dream come true. I am so thankful to God for this gift.
Through all of this, I didn't get that career that I so badly wanted, but God changed my heart several times over. By His will, in His way, and in His timing, He answered my prayers. And, His plan was so much better than mine.